A Call to True Surrender in a Rebellious World
In today’s culture, the idea of submission often gets a bad rap. Especially in Christian circles, verses such as Ephesians 5:22-24, which call wives to submit to their husbands, are frequently brushed aside as relics of a bygone era. Many women, and even entire churches, view these passages not as the timeless Word of God but as outdated customs from a patriarchal past. They argue that society has evolved, that gender roles are fluid, and that such teachings no longer apply in our enlightened age. But what if this dismissal reveals something deeper about our hearts? What if it’s not the verses that are obsolete, but our willingness to truly submit to anyone, especially the ones who matter most: our spouses and, ultimately, God Himself?
Let me take you on a journey through this truth, layer by layer, drawing from the Scriptures and our everyday lives. We’ll start with the cultural shift, move into the irony of our selective submissions, explore the biblical model of marital roles, and finally arrive at the heart of the matter: our ultimate resistance to God. This isn’t about enforcing rules or pointing fingers; it’s about rediscovering the freedom and flourishing that come from aligning with God’s design.
First, let’s acknowledge the shift in perspective. In many modern churches, the emphasis on mutual equality has overshadowed the specific instructions in passages like Ephesians 5, Colossians 3, and 1 Peter 3. Biblical submission for wives is a voluntary, willful choice rooted in reverence for Christ, not inferiority or blind obedience. Yet, in dismissing these verses as old customs, we risk missing the gospel picture they paint: the church’s joyful yielding to Christ mirrored in the home. This cultural reinterpretation isn’t just about gender; it reflects a broader reluctance to submit to any authority that challenges our autonomy.
Now, consider the irony woven into our daily lives. We submit to authority all the time, often without hesitation or complaint. We routinely bow to lesser authorities far more easily than to the ultimate, loving Authority who has our best interests at heart. Take traffic laws, for instance. Most of us stop at red lights, obey speed limits, and follow road signs, even when we’re in a hurry or no police are in sight. We do this because we recognize the consequences: fines, accidents, or chaos on the roads. It’s a submission to impersonal rules imposed by the government or society that bring order and safety.
At work, we submit to bosses or workplace authority. We follow instructions, even unreasonable ones, because we want the paycheck, a promotion, or to avoid being fired. We show up on time, dress appropriately, and adjust our schedules to fit the company’s needs, often without much questioning. Social norms and peer pressure demand submission, too. We conform to cultural expectations, like scrolling social media endlessly, chasing trends, or keeping up appearances, because we fear judgment, exclusion, or missing out. We yield to the crowd’s values with little protest.
Even government or institutional rules get our compliance. We pay taxes, follow regulations, stand in lines, fill out forms, and navigate bureaucracy, even when it’s frustrating or seems unfair, because it’s the system we live under. We accept these as necessary for societal order. These patterns are so routine that they feel natural, even essential for survival and comfort in this world.
But here’s the stark contrast: the only authorities we consistently resist are our spouses and ultimately God. In marriage, submission becomes a flashpoint. Wives might balk at yielding to their husbands’ leadership, viewing it as a threat to equality, while husbands might shy away from sacrificial love, preferring control or passivity. And with God, our rebellion runs even deeper. We push back against His commands on patience, forgiveness, contentment, generosity, integrity, or counter-cultural living, treating His voice as optional or burdensome. As James 4:7 urges, “Submit yourselves, then, to God,” but our flesh resists, as Romans 8:7-8 explains, because the sinful mind is hostile to God and does not submit to His law.
This selective submission reveals a heart issue: we obey visible, immediate authorities out of fear or self-interest, but submitting to God requires faith, humility, and dying to self, things our fallen nature fights against. The true freedom Jesus promises in John 8:36 comes precisely from submitting to Him first. Yet, we often submit everywhere except where it counts eternally.
Now, let’s turn to the biblical heart of marriage, where this tension plays out most intimately. Biblical submission by a wife to her husband is voluntary alignment under leadership, from the Greek, meaning “to rank under” or “arrange oneself under.” It’s a deliberate choice to place herself under her husband’s leadership, not forced subjection. She submits “as to the Lord,” meaning her ultimate allegiance is to God, making this an act of Divine worship.
This submission responds to the husband’s headship, as Christ is head of the church. It invites him to lead well, honors and affirms his leadership, and involves partnership in unity. It’s “in everything,” but with biblical limits: never sin or contrary to God’s commands. It doesn’t mean inferiority or silence; wise, proactive wives like Abigail in 1 Samuel 25 show respectful influence. In the broader context, it’s mutual respect, with husbands called to love sacrificially.
Practically, this looks like respecting his final decision in disagreements after sharing her perspective, supporting his initiatives, speaking words of respect, cooperating in household management, prioritizing unity, encouraging his spiritual leadership, handling conflicts gently, serving alongside him, trusting his provision, and maintaining a heart of worship. When practiced, it promotes peace, unity, and flourishing, reflecting Christ’s relationship with the church.
But this isn’t one-sided. The husband’s responsibility, which is weightier and reflects the gospel. He must love sacrificially, as Christ gave Himself for the church, putting her needs above his own. He sanctifies and spiritually cleanses her through Scripture, presents her in holiness, loves her as his own body, nourishes and cherishes her tenderly, avoids harshness, lives with her understandingly, honors her as a co-heir, leads with Christ-like headship, and protects his spiritual life so prayers aren’t hindered.
In essence, the call for the wife to submit to her husband is balanced by the husband’s call to submit to his wife in a profound way: through self-giving love that mirrors Christ’s submission to the Father’s will. It’s not identical reciprocity, but complementary. The husband submits to God by loving and leading sacrificially, creating a secure environment where the wife’s submission flourishes naturally.
This brings us to the core: both are required to submit to God. This can only work if both roles flow from reverence for Christ. Ephesians 5:21 sets the foundation: submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. The wife’s submission is “as to the Lord,” an extension of her yielding to God. The husband’s love is “as Christ loved,” mirroring Christ’s obedience. Both are Spirit-empowered, driven by reverence for Christ, with ultimate allegiance to God first.
They reflect the gospel together: her submission pictures the church’s yielding, his love pictures Christ’s sacrifice. It’s mutual service in different expressions, promoting spiritual growth and unity. Prayers and fellowship with God depend on fulfilling these roles faithfully. In biblical marriage, the wife submits to God by honoring her husband’s headship; the husband submits to God by loving as Christ did. Both say, “Not my will, but Yours be done,” as in Luke 22:42.
Ultimately, our resistance to submission in marriage and to God stems from the same root: pride and self-rule. We submit to earthly authorities for time-specific benefits, but withhold from God because it demands total trust. We must recognize that God is perfectly trustworthy, unlike many authorities we blindly obey.
While I’m already stirring controversy with this post, let me point out that Christians who claim the Bible supports abortion or same-sex marriage often employ the very same tactic: dismissing relevant passages as outdated relics that no longer apply to modern life.
So, where does this leave us? In a world that rebrands God’s Word as old customs, let’s reclaim the truth. Submission isn’t oppression; it’s the path to harmony and gospel witness. Start small: examine where you submit easily and where you resist. In marriage, wives choose voluntary alignment as unto the Lord. Husbands, love Christ’s sacrifice. Together, submit first to God, and watch your home reflect His glory.
This journey isn’t easy, but it’s transformative. As we build this story of truth, remember: true surrender brings the peace we crave. Let’s submit not out of duty, but delight in the One who submitted for us.